jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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