Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
