Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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