i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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