Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
