he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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