I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You made out with two different species that night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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