Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
