hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
