That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
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And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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