We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you win again, gameday.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
