fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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