420 ftw
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
