mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i love accidental penises.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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