If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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