I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
