If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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