I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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