She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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