I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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