I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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