did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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