i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
