She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My bed smells like the plague
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
