I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
