Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
