We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
