My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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