I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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