You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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