I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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