If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
