I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
