so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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