Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
