She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.