If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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