I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize