Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
