The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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