Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am mentally ready for anal.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
