So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize