How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
