Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
