Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
