apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
