some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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