Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
