tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We had sex on a dog bed..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
