i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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