the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
