Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
