Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
