Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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