we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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