dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
