I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
