Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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