what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Found your dick twin last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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