I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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