my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
