I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
