She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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