I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
