....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
