shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
