I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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