he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
