Already got asked if we're dating
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
