Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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