Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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