She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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