There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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