It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
